Tuesday, 11 October 2011
A perspective on enriching relationships!!
Let this note find you fully self-expressed in your relationships with others.
In our workshops, topic on building high quality enriching relationships shows up regularly. And one of the most important relationships is between spouses/ partners. It is long term. It is consciously entered into by choice. Here are some interesting thoughts on this special relationship.
From completing each other TO expressing together:
For a long time, it has been considered that marriage is equivalent of two hemispheres coming together and making a perfect sphere.
It was said that they completed each other. Things are changing now. Actually when two people are in love, at that moment, their frequency matches. By design human beings are unique. They grow differently, learn at different paces. So, frequency does diverge.
Now, as the rates of growth diverge, the spherical shape tends to get distorted. To avoid distortion partners have to match their rates of growth. E.g if one partner is growing very fast, he/she will have to restrict his/her growth to match with the other & vice versa. So now they have managed to keep the sphere in place, but lot of stress is built in.
In present times, it may be worthwhile to take a relationship as two complete spheres coming together. So, two complete persons come together to express and share life. Two spheres touching each other make a sign of “Infinity” ∞.
Notice in this connection, there are infinite possibilities. There is room for both to grow at their own pace without straining the other person. Even if the rate of growth of one sphere is more, it maintains the connection and the sign without distortion or stress!
Possessiveness in relationships:
I also read some interesting articles on possessiveness. I noticed that when kids are young especially 1-2 year old, they have no concept of it. They simply own the entire world. They will readily share their toys and also play with others’. Only at the age of 3 or 4, “I” is born in them. They are taught to possess their own belongings and avoid taking what belongs to others. This continues and takes a new form when they grow up and enter into relationships!
Only objects can be possessed. A human is born free. The moment we have an agenda, reason for someone else in our life, it means we are with that person because of that reason. That person becomes an object of desire, emotional support, financial security, social acceptance. Note that he/she has turned into an “object”.
What is the significance of an object? Object has no life. Frequency of humans keeps changing & evolving. Objects have a limited frequency. When a person is related to with an agenda, he/she simply exists and the true possibility of a flowering relationship disappears. If in a relationship both partners have various agendas, it would be like two objects relating to each other!! Such relationship has much less life than what was truly possible.
We thought of creating an empowering declaration that can mark a new beginning in any relationship. Here is a sample that you may find applicable for existing and new relationships:
“The INTENT from now on....
I choose to absolutely express myself at all points of time in this relationship from now on. I promise to surface my true potential always. I promise to create an environment that will allow my partner to be at his/her best and glowing all the time.
I shall always honour individuality and privacy of my partner. I will create an atmosphere of absolute freedom around me and honour my partner’s choices about himself/herself. He/she would be always free to do what he/she wishes to do. This includes spending time, attention, money or any other resources owned by him/her in any manner he/she chooses!
I shall treat my partner as a perfect human being and respect his/her creativity & spontaneity.
I will support my partner unconditionally in fulfilling his/her true purpose of this life.
Everyone who comes in contact with us will experience expansiveness, growth and freedom.
We will make this world a more expressive, bubbly place, full of fun & joy.
SO IT IS NOW”
I am told that this intent is quite challenging to adhere to in totality. I sincerely feel that this may allow the spark to continue for a long time in a relationship.