Wednesday 19 September 2018

Handling elephants in the room


Dear Reader,

Since last few months, I have researched on practical ways to embrace criticism, mistakes, failures. Also, on how to stay engaged in a confronting situation without being mad or sad.

We applied the learnings with workshop participants across the world and found very useful results. I am now working on a book on – how to face the elephants in the room.



I am confident you would know what this elephant is. In any relationship, personal or professional, elephants get created when one person checks out or withdraws and does not express his/her opinion. They then harbour resentment inside, leading to drain in energy, strain in relationship, waste of resources. Elephant is that heavy feeling.

If we try to slay the elephant by attacking it, by simply throwing our emotions, perspective or anger on the other person, the elephant multiplies. If we avoid it, it grows.

What I have found is that you need a combination of empathy, assertiveness and respect at the same time to shine light on the elephant and it disappears.

Empathy: Understand other person goals and concerns without judging, acknowledge the grain of truth in the person’s allegation/comments.

Assertiveness: Share your emotions & feelings authentically, instead of acting them out.

Respect: Realise why this connection is important to you, what you admire in the other person and share that.

Have you ever been in a boring conversation? Waiting for it to end? Have you been glad that you received a phone call right then and it gave you a genuine excuse to escape?

A book by Dr. David Burn’s book – feeling good together offers some useful, practical ways.

“I think you are a very interesting, deep person. I would like to know more about the real you. The current discussion feels very boring to me and I am kind of zoning out. Do you also feel that way?”

The conversation quality will change very quickly. Try it for yourself.

You are welcome to share any elephant that you are struggling with in your professional life and it drains you. Maybe we can together find a way to diffuse it.


Warm regards

Rohan

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