Sunday, 5 February 2012

Totality & being whole in an enriching relationship

Let this blog find you amidst lot of true friends with enriching relationships!

In my research on people and their interactions with others, I interacted with many people in and outside our workshop sessions. Also read many books.

When I was a kid, I was told to keep away from OSHO books or anything related to it. My mom strictly believed so. She said that even some film stars have left their careers in peak and joined OSHO Ashram. Also other magnified rumours on what happens in the OSHO Ashram. So I kept myself away from these influences!! J

Recently I came across some books that are transcription of the speeches by OSHO and I was quite surprised by the clarity, simplicity and awareness in those books. One such book that I found very relevant is:

It is one of the best book I have ever come across regarding women, men, their connections with each other & how to transform first connection with self & then with people around you. I very strongly recommend you to look at this book with a neutral perspective and your awareness level will reach another high!

Despite all the automation, enhanced screen exposure via internet, TV, games, mobiles, one still has to deal with human beings and maintain relationships of various kinds. The search is on for what can one do to make a relationship pure? Is it even possible?

I noticed one thing; we all want to be ourselves. But based on various roles and situations, we do behave as someone else. So whenever you can be absolutely yourself with someone else, that is where a pure relationship begins. There is no pretense, no calculative behavior or thoughts or words. You simply state what you wish to, you simply do what you wish to. You are just yourself. That is the best use of your energy. I have found that whenever I am behaving as someone else, I mostly make a fool of myself, it takes away lot of energy and also results are average or pathetic!!

Easiest to give money: It is most easy to give money and get over with the accountability. One typical conversation: 

“Sweatheart: I am toiling so hard to generate money so that we all can live happily. What more do you want from me?”

Reply: “TIME”

So now the person comes home at 7:00 pm, and is now physically at home, but totally engaged taking calls, working on laptop, sending SMS or changing channels, or simply fidgeting. “Now why are you upset, you wanted me to come back home in time, I am home. What more do you want?”

Reply: “Attention”

“OK now I am not doing anything. See I switched off the TV. Tell me!!” Attention is there, but the mind is running with 100 other thoughts. Most likely the office events are still replaying. Next day meetings and jobs are also playing.

So the TASK MANAGER (what we get when the PC hangs and we press CTRL+ALT+DEL) has so many tasks, simultaneously processing or hanging (not responding). This I have noticed also in many people especially while dealing with their juniors. They will keep typing, looking at the screen, or sending SMS and will tell the person in front: “Yes, GO ON! I am listening”. We actually feel offended when others do it to us. But notice that we also do it with other people many times.

One thing is for sure, every human being has a special intuitive transmitter & receiver that can always detect whether there are other tasks in the task manager of the person in front. Can you make out when you are on a phone call, whether the person on the other side is totally with you or he/she is engaged in multitasking? Our special in built transmitter will always tell you that.

So we can at best pretend. I think MULTI TASKING is a myth… actually a limitation & not strength. This term originated from the computer world. We have so many tasks being executed by the computer at the same time. But when we get to the millisecond level, we find that at a given moment, the CPU is only executing one task and switches to next in millisecond and so on, giving an illusion of multi-tasking.

Finally what is more difficult than giving attention? Here lies the key to any relationship: be it business or personal relationship or friendship. Giving TOTALITY. That is the biggest challenge. If you can ensure giving your totality while being with a person (professional or personal level), you are laying a strong foundation to a relationship of purity & respect. This means that for that particular set of few minutes, your task manager contains only one task – that person.

And if you can also keep an objective to contribute to that person in that interaction, the probability of creating a high quality relationship is very high.

I think it is easier said than done. The overload of information makes our mind, board multiple trains of thought and makes giving totality more difficult.

Here is one suggestion to experiment with to bring totality in whatever you do and in your interactions. Carry a small writing pad with you (mobile notepad doesn’t work as good). When you are doing some work needing total concentration, keep that pad on your side. Anytime you get a thought that is unconnected with the work, note it on that pad. It will free your RAM.

When dealing with someone (especially officially) tell that person that you are attempting to give him/her totality and in case you get an unrelated thought, you are going to jot it in the pad. Initially the person may feel offended, but in few minutes, he/she will actually experience authenticity in you and that will take the connection to a new level.

Here is wishing you totality in your relationships.

Warm regards,

Rohan Singal 

Link to our workshops

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