Here is one of the most inspiring articles I
have found on positive thinking. I found the logic really simple, powerful and
appropriate. You may find it useful.
--------------------------------------------------------
The Power of Positive Talk
I remember my dad teaching me the power of
language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific
words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful
programming factor in lifelong success.
One particularly interesting event occurred
when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally
hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to
no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back
and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break
or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.
My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same
tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's
mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge
gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and
the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell,
"Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard
Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had
fallen out of the tree.
I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad
later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt
the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did
fall. My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time
processing a negative image.
In fact, people who rely on internal pictures
cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not
falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell
the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain
instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.
This concept is especially useful when you are
attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing
something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to
actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example,
when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football
team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that
age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for
a pass, "Don't drop it!"
Naturally, I dropped the ball. My coaches were
not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought
some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now
a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal
dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached
me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer
football career. Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your
friends the power of a toxic vocabulary.
Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to
them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to
drop the pencil." Observe what they do. Most people release their hands
and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying
attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most
people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while
their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.
The point is made. If you tell your brain you
will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I
have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with.
Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or
they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word
try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they
have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for
pretended effort?
You will never hear the words "I'll
try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.
If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission
not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth.
"Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an
outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I
will not. Thanks for the invite."
People respect honesty. So remove the word
"try" from your vocabulary.
My dad also told me that psychologists claim it
takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no
idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to
seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.
These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children. Ask
yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many
criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all
have internal voices that give us direction. So, are you giving yourself the
17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like,
"I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough.
I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."
If our parents can set a lifetime of
programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are
doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue.
Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.
Notice when you or other people use them.
But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Try: Presupposes failure.
If: Presupposes that you may not.
Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener..Ø Would
Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen
(and implies guilt.)
Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen
but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what
you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without
knowing the damage of this linguistic error.
Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"
Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people slow.”
You might find yourself turning that TV off and
picking up one of those books more often!
Author - unknown
--------------------------------------------------------
Warm regards,
