Dear Reader,
Since last few months, I have researched on
practical ways to embrace criticism, mistakes, failures. Also, on how to stay
engaged in a confronting situation without being mad or sad.
We applied the learnings with workshop
participants across the world and found very useful results. I am now working
on a book on – how to face the elephants in the room.
I am confident you would know what this
elephant is. In any relationship, personal or professional, elephants get
created when one person checks out or withdraws and does not express his/her
opinion. They then harbour resentment inside, leading to drain in energy,
strain in relationship, waste of resources. Elephant is that heavy feeling.
If we try to slay the elephant by attacking
it, by simply throwing our emotions, perspective or anger on the other person,
the elephant multiplies. If we avoid it, it grows.
What I have found is that you need a
combination of empathy, assertiveness and respect at the same time to shine
light on the elephant and it disappears.
Empathy: Understand
other person goals and concerns without judging, acknowledge the grain of truth
in the person’s allegation/comments.
Assertiveness: Share your emotions & feelings authentically, instead of
acting them out.
Respect: Realise
why this connection is important to you, what you admire in the other person
and share that.
Have you ever been in a boring
conversation? Waiting for it to end? Have you been glad that you received a
phone call right then and it gave you a genuine excuse to escape?
A book by Dr.
David Burn’s book – feeling good together offers some useful,
practical ways.
“I think you are a very interesting, deep
person. I would like to know more about the real you. The current discussion
feels very boring to me and I am kind of zoning out. Do you also feel that
way?”
The conversation quality will change very
quickly. Try it for yourself.
You are welcome to share any elephant that
you are struggling with in your professional life and it drains you. Maybe we
can together find a way to diffuse it.
Warm regards
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